许多爱好者自发的开展了形式多样的悼念活动，以此感怀社会主义制度下夭折的VeryCD。
图片，文字，视频，都在各种消息工具中传播着。
不过最雷人的是某群里的一句话：
天啊！VeryCD没了以后我还能去哪里下载A片啊！
……#83难道他概念中的A片就是中的那些情色伦理片么？真是可怜的孩子。

2009/12/10
当VeryCD还是小小站的时候，就已经在上面寻找各种资源了。
所以为此写一篇悼词应该不为过。
岂知世事多变啊！标题我刚写完，
Twitter上又风传着VeryCD就复活了！
难道我真的是神笔马良？
那我写一万遍“CCAV好好活”试试看……

点开随消息附送的链接，经过漫长的等待后，看见了熟悉的界面。
确实复活了，可是总觉得有点怪怪的感觉，你说一大帮子人准备悼念死者并已经在发表感慨的时候，死者居然站起来了！这感觉确实不太好说。

没过五分钟，推上又是铺天盖地的消息说：请不要疯狂点击链接，服务器正在陆续恢复，现在服务器无法承受如此多的访问量。
呵呵，大家都太需要这件事来振奋人心了。当然，不排除好事者的围观。

当然，无论是诈尸也好，还阳也罢，继续存在总归是件让人欢欣鼓舞的一件事。
在这波洗劫中，还有幸存者，这是我们聊以自慰（这个词不是大家在聊天室中集体自慰！）的事。

或许,不远的明天,我们真的会迎来CCAV一统江湖.
CCAV好好活,CCAV好好活,CCAV好好活,CCAV好好活………

等到我从半死不活中挣扎着爬起来的时候，全民皆博的时代已经开始了许久，而徐静蕾在新浪上开博更是将博客推上了浪潮的高峰.
腾讯同样不甘寂寞的推出qzone，但获得开空间的邀请简直太难了.
无论如何，腾讯的巨大用户基数促成了qzone的大红大紫。也连带搞火了另外一个词：非主流。
究竟是非主流的主力成员九零后促成了腾讯空间，还是腾讯空间造就了非主流，这是一个无解的问题。

这时的我只是一个看客的身份，作为一个职业潜水员在我有兴趣的时候去关注一下个别博客而已，半年也不再写一篇，
所有的回忆和理想都埋在心里，不再张扬，以前记在心里是为了酝酿爆发，而那个时候是为了忘却，
久而久之甚至已经忘却了如何去用文字来描述内心的真正感受.
那种刻意去忘却的做法真的是很有效，至少我现在几乎无法回想起那时候的心理活动.

当搜狐推出博客的时候，出于对搜狐论坛的怀念，我注册了搜狐博客，偶尔的记录一点点的闲言碎语，但是已经懒于写超过一百字的东西了.

当网易开始加入博客大战的时候我也过去凑了一下热闹，但试用后感觉网易的东西是标准的跟风之作，功能简直不是一个烂能描述的.
做为一个以技术见长的公司来说实在是不应该。所以我就用一分钟在博客上留了一篇鄙视开发的log后彻底跑开.

然而，或许是因为压力太大想要发泄，或许是闲的太久心里痒痒想要书写，又或许是什么都不为。
在这种没有明确目的性的情况下，09年我又开始了博客之旅。
选域名，买空间，出于对PHP的热爱，我找到自己最熟悉的Bo-Blog程序上传，很快就建立起了自己的窝。
原本就是想叫s2log的，可是备案的时候出了一点小问题：不允许用域名做网站名！
鄙视不已却又无可奈何，无奈之下突然想起了李白，那个我崇敬的人，他爱的酒，他写的诗，所以，就有了诗酒如画。

可是没几天，我就在各种各样的论坛上发现了一种名叫WP的程序被大家疯狂讨论着。这是个什么东西？！
虽然之前也在CnBeta上不停的看到过相关的新闻,可是并没有搞懂究竟是什么.
深究之下，发现原来是另外一种风靡世界的博客程序，有着狂热的Fans、丰富的扩展、无数的主题，遍地的社区。
天，我真的没有意识到一种程序可以做到这样，恐怕这就是开源的魅力吧！

其实人生来就是很贱的，我也在潜移默化中贱贱的喜欢上了WP。想到即做，反正没几篇日志，拷贝粘贴就完成了从bo-blog迁移到WordPress的过程.
由此，我就一脚踏进了这个无止无休的窟窿，开始了痛并快乐的旅程。

博客开了四个月后，最初的那股冲动过去了，面对那不足十篇的日志我进入了反思。
我一直以为自己很能写，也很会写。事实却证明那只是五年前的那个司徒原。
如今的我已然丧失了天赐的写作能力。成了一个名副其实的江郎。
可既然博客都已经开了，只好硬着头皮写下去,虎头蛇尾比写的少更让人鄙视.

又过了一个月，我终于发现真正的快乐是在书写文字上，而不是你究竟写的如何。
当看到那一行行的代表着过去，代表着历程的文字时，你会觉得生命是如此奇妙。
记录此时此刻，分享所见所得。
这才是我要书写的真正意义。
我们以自己的方式铭记着历史
或不愿忘记，或恐惧失去。

应该从哪儿开始呢？
就是Blogcn吧!
我想这应该算是一个标志性的东西，虽然后来我不再混迹于此，但毕竟我曾经有大概两年左右的时光是和她紧密相联的，甚至于现在的网络生活中依稀还有她曾经留下的影子。
It’s being.
时光已经流逝的太多，完全无法想起究竟是怎么一个开始了，只是模糊记得当时在一次通宵的时候无意中加了一个名叫”阁楼的猫”（还是在论坛上灌水认识的？要说这样也是完全可能的，毕竟当年还是很热衷于在各式各样的论坛灌水聊天的，见帖不回，罪莫大焉！呃，扯远了……）应该是她主动把blog给我的吧，我当时第一次看见的时候完全震撼了，没想到一个人可以在网上如此的记录自己，一直以为在论坛上连载就算是大牛了，一直以为在聊天室呼风唤雨就算神仙了。因为当时国内还没有开始现在的那种轰轰烈烈全民皆博，所以我对此一无所知，发扬了探索的精神彻底的弄清楚了在国外已经是如火如茶荼的blog,而当时国内只有blogcn这一家服务商，所以没的选只能在这里安家，不像现在随便一个网站论坛都可以开通一个博客.虽然后来又有了blogbus之类的服务商，但是我这个人比较懒惰，不愿意换来换去的折腾，所以依然固守。我想可能就是第一次的选择让很多很多人在后来blogcn的服务越来越差的情况下依然坚守的原因.
后来，我也在blogcn上安了家，花了两天的时间调整页面结构，那时候的功能真的是少的可怜，幸好我懂一些html代码，又找了一个免费的空间存图片才搞定了美化.
然后，正式开始了我的博客生涯.
还真怀念那时的思绪飞扬，文如泉涌,有精力有体力.那个阶段所写的文字恐怕和我在学校时的等量.
Blogcn那时候有个地区排名，我是第二:)
新一期排名出来后有好几个本地区的同城人和我见面聊过，其实聊天的内容没有什么，无非是一些心得而已，可能是我当时并没有把blog真正的当作一种需要去运作的东西吧，
等我知道这个问题的时候已经是一年半后阿里巴巴的一封邮件：如何做好你的博客营销.
当然，博客营销的问题我不会去谈，有兴趣可以到放狗查一下。

那个时候有很多网站提供二级域名，我记忆最深的就是6to23,因为这个名字好短啊，而且区间又和我那个时候的年纪相仿，一下子就喜欢上了.
她还提供过一段时间的免费空间，HTML静态的，正好用来放博客的背景图片、音乐之类的.
可能只是因为是静态的，所以很多人都是做了一个静态跳转页面就离开了。并没有太多的出色站点。（连留言功能都没办法加又怎么可能做的出色？）

渐渐的blogcn各种各样的问题都开始频繁的出现,导致了大批的人搬家去blogbus或者是博客中国.我也不例外.
但是这个时候我想要一个自己的博客.可以自己写东西,可以自己放照片,可以自己删东西.而不用考虑别人的脸色,也不用考虑是不是会被人在页面中插入一个大广告.
最后千辛万苦的终于找到了一个名字叫做FREE18的（好像是这个,现在怎么看都觉得这个名字像成人网站，难道我成人网站上多了？）提供的是php+Mysql的免费空间，而且还不要求加广告！
这在那个年月是非常难得的，即使现在也是基本不可能的事，我用Bo-Blog建了一个博客,完全从blogcn搬了出来，也算是开始了独立博客之旅。
不过后来这个网站居然莫名其妙的消失了，再也没有过消息，很多大网站上都充斥着谩骂责问的帖子，因为备份这个操作只有想恢复的时候才会想起来。我也大概损失了一百多篇的文章.
再后来，我网恋了，再后来，理所当然的网恋失败了，再后来……我理所当然的荒了博客。

待续
PS:刚才想去博客中国抓个图来当标题图的,结果发现一个公告,他们又出现大规模的故障了.啧啧.
PS2:博客中国和blogcn有点揪扯不清,是因为当初那个万人唾弃的3721闹的.搞的我很长时间也以为blogcn=博客中国,实际上并不是.
博客中国=blogchina=bokee,blogcn=博尚网

The next month or so, I had lived like an aristocrat.  I always accompanied Xu Yong like lovers, appeared in varieties of high-level social salons.  Everything was so real, but I still was like dreaming.

Ding Yu didn’t ask much about why I did not go home that night. When I went to work, my colleagues told me that Ding Yu even called them.  I knew that Yu Ding must have learned my lying to him, but why did not he expose it?  The relationship between me and Xu Yong was very secretive, and it was also difficult for Ding Yu to have those high-level social activities.

Ding Yu had changed and just kept writing back at home and never spoke if I didn’t ask him.  His unclear attitude bored me, strangely, we started the Cold War.

Ding Yu started cooking his own meals, while Xu Yong and I had dinners in different Korean and French restaurants.  Only once when I got back home and saw the messy kitchen and several sausages on the table, my heart suddenly came up a trace of guilt.

One day, Xu Yong and I were strolling in a mall.  There was a lot of fancy clothing as if specifically designed for people like Xu Yong.  I knew I was not such people, but the original vanity was satisfied.

When I was casually looking through the expensive clothes on both sides of the racks, Xu Yong’s footsteps suddenly stopped.  Curiously, I looked at him; he did not look at me but said: “That man has been watching you.”

I looked towards his view.  My body suddenly froze, and was nailed there.

Ding Yu.

I was flurried.  He never came to this kind of places where he could not afford, and I had never had the dream of his showing up in front of us.

Ding Yu looked very complex, as if a lot of things hinged together.  His eyes made my heart pain.  I put aside Xu Yong and headed for Ding Yu: “Ding Yu, you listen to me … …”

Ding Yu turned and ran away.

I was frozen there, biting the lower lip, watching the direction where he disappeared without a move.

Xu Yong came over, held me and chuckled: “Well, stop watching, I send you home!”  I leered at him and hated him for the chuckling.  At that moment, I had a hint of fatigue and regret.  I did not answer and just let him send me home.

At home, Ding Yu was smoking cigarettes one after another.  In the light, the room was filled with the choking smoke.  Only in this short time, Ding Yu seemed aged.

I looked at the familiar face which I had loved for five years and my eyes moisten.

Ding Yu puffed the cigarette deeply and then snuffed it: “Ran, since you are back, better go to bed early.”

His calm tone was greatly beyond my expectation.  I was filled with anxiety, asked: “Don’t you … … have anything to ask me?”

He shook his head, made himself smile with frustration and sadness: “Not necessary.  There are some things I do not know better than to know.”  I bited the lip, softly said: “Yu, I … …”

Ding Yu waved his hands and interrupted my words, “Ran, never mind.  I really do not want to hear.  You and him, I knew already.”  I suddenly looked at him but saw the bitterness at the corners of his mouth: “Remember, a lot of my classmates are living better than me.  I had never believed what they said, but today I witnessed.  I have not seen your happy looking for a long time like today when you are with him.”

Ding Yu lit another cigarette, took a deep puff, had some choked voice: “Ran, I am guilty.”

I cried.  It wasn’t that he had no thoughts.  I said: “Yu, let us re-start it, okay?”

Ding Yu just puffed the cigarette and looked at me coldly.  That pale face made me dare not watch intently.

His silence gave me a clear answer.

Dull days continued for another week.

On a weekend, Xu Yong called me when I just got off work.  I was not surprised at how he knew my phone number as he was my boss.

When I got home, Ding Yu suggested us go lakeside park, because from that day it would be open to visitors free of charge.  I told him apologetically that I had to go to a party with my colleagues that night.  Ding Yu was very disappointed, but instead he told me with smile to enjoy myself.

Huang Lun Hotel is a well-known four-star hotel in our city.  People who can often come here must be rich or noble.  When arrived in the door, I saw Xu Yong standing there in a navy blue suit.

As I entered the lobby with Xu Yong, I was overawed by the luxury in front of me.  A colored fountain was at the center and a small round table was behind the fountain.  An elegant woman was playing the piano with a soothing music.  At both sides of the table are all men and women in fancy and faddish clothing.

Subconsciously I glanced at my own dress which was out of fashion, and I cannot help being ashamed.

We sat down behind a palm tree in the lobby.  This place was very hidden, where you can glimpse the entire lobby without being seen easily from the outside.

After a few glasses of wine, I gradually relaxed myself.  Xu Yong, holding his glass with a smile, asked: “Do you know why I just invited you to dance?”

I was puzzled.

“Your gesture of sitting there alone impressed me”.  I was even more puzzled as I was not outstanding in my company which was full of beauties.
“I’m quite envious of your husband.  If I have such a beautiful wife, I will not let her hands become rough in such youthful years”

The meaning of Xu Yong’s words made me confused. Such an attractive man spoke of such suggestive words to you; I suddenly became a little afraid.  I didn’t know what I was afraid of at that moment.

I almost struggled to say: “No, President Xu.  My husband is a very competent man.”

Xu Yong laughed: “You are deluding yourself! A happy woman would not have those helpless and dazed eyes!  It makes your beautiful eyes lose their spirit!”

Those words hit my heart and I cried like a child.  This man uncovered easily my confusion for over six months.

Xu Yong touched my hair in the piano music and said gently in my ear: “Ran, let me bring the glory back into your life, will you?”

As if there was a vortex which sucked me up, I subconsciously nodded.

That night, I did not go home.

A man, ignited my passion, brought me into – Paradise Lost.

Inscription

If one day I was going to leave this world, I hope I could die in your arms.  Even if after drinking Mengpo soup of Naihe bridge, in the other life, I still can find you by the memory in your arms.

Section One

On the wedding night, I asked Ding Yu a question: “Yu, all of us will grow old and die one day.  If you can choose, where is the ultimate destination you want?”

As soon as I spoke out, I regretted for asking such a ridiculous question on our wedding day.

Sure enough, Ding Yu was silent.

When I was going to retrieve the situation, Ding Yu said “If one day I was going to leave this world, I hope I could die in your arms.  Even if after drinking Mengpo soup of Naihe bridge, in the other life, I still can find you by the memory in your arms.”

I couldn’t see him clearly in the dark.  However, the earnest and determination in his words made me feel a huge shock and an impact on the soul.

Yes, at that time, I was the happiest woman in the world.

Ding Yu is a very gentle man.  I do not know whether it is because of such a character which prevented him and made him still a regular clerk in his company.  When got married, many friends did not understand why I chose him.  Though he earned only one fourth of my salary, I still believed that his soft heart would ease my daily hard working.

Having married for six months, we still lived in a three-story apartment owned by the company. We didn’t complain for this small set of apartment with two bedrooms and believed Ding Yu’s words “we will have a house and bread one day.”  Although I would also like to live in a beautiful house, the city of high prices made me just want to arrange daily life properly first.

However, as time went by, I gradually felt a kind of sadness. I once believed that plain life was the true meaning of love.  However, this same life day after day made me sick. The daily necessities replaced the romantic passion and the monotony in the marriage gradually made me confused about its future.

How I wish Ding Yu can also have the same feeling, or he would make some changes.  However, Ding Yu was unaware of this and was all the same as usual.  Ding Yu’s writing was very good, had published some small articles.  After work, he liked to write or paint.  However I wanted him to put more focus on his work, there were always no changes.  Over time, the confusion and sadness to marriage made my heart gradually numb and closed up, no longer felt any trace of Ding Yu’s love.

At this time, Xu Yong entered my life.

It was on a company party.  I sat alone at the side of the dance floor and sipped wine, was very bored.  A middle-aged man invited me to dance.

Many men had invited me to dance on that night but were declined for various reasons.  This man in front of me turned on his unique charm of maturation and successful career through his gestures, I could not refuse.

We danced gently in the crowd with the music.  Psychedelic lights made me dizzy.  He whispered in my ear: “Chen Ran!  Right?  Planning Department.”

I was surprised and looked up at him.  This man was not very tall, only about 1 meter 76, however, that kind of momentum made me look up at him.

“It’s strange, isn’t it?  If I do not know even my employees’ names, how can I survive!”  His frivolous tone made me nervous, doubted and asked directly: “You are … …”

The dance music ended at this time.  He held me into his arms and whispered lightly: “My name is Xu Yong.  You are the only woman who danced with me tonight.”  And then he walked away, leaving me frozen there.

This man was the Vice President of our company.  And I, was the only woman dancing with him tonight!

A trace of vanity climbed up my heart quietly.

Back home, it was early morning.  Opened the door, Ding Yu was still busy writing.  Seeing me come back, Ding Yu put over the manuscript, and took a bowl of noodles out of the kitchen.

“Ran, tired?  This is your favorite … …”

“Pork egg noodles, right?” I interrupted him. Ding Yu, was embarrassed and scratched one’s head. Married for so long, he was still often using this same action to express his loss just like when we fell in love.  I did not know why I interrupted him, but today I felt like myself a thief and said: “Besides writing and writing, making egg noodles, what else can you do?”

Ding Yu’s face suddenly changed. I looked at the steaming noodles in his hands with a little shame, softly said: “Sorry, Yu, I might be too tired.”

Ding Yu relaxed his face, and softly asked me: “well, how about go to bed early?”

“Ah.” I nodded.

First time I slept with my back facing Ding Yu.  When he embraced me from behind, I shook lightly.

DING Yu’s arm froze and shrank back.

I did not speak, in the dark, my mind had been emerging in the vigorous and graceful stature of Xu Yong.

Section Two

Dull day was continuous for a week.

It was just on weekends.  Xu Yong called me when I just got off work.  I was not surprised at how he knew my phone number as he is my boss.

When I got home, Ding Yu suggested we go lakeside park, because from today it was open to visitors free of charge.  I told him apologetically that I had to go to a party with my colleagues that night.  Ding Yu was very disappointed, but instead he asked me with smile to enjoy myself.

Huang Lun Hotel is a well-known four-star hotel in our city.  People who can often come here must be rich or noble.  When arrived in the door, I saw Xu Yong standing there in a navy blue suit.

As I entered the lobby with Xu Yong, I was when he was overawed by the luxury in front of me.  A colored fountain was at the center and a small round table was behind the fountain behind.  An elegant woman was playing the piano with a soothing music.  At both sides of the table are all men and women in fancy and faddish clothing.

Subconsciously I glanced at my own dress which was out of fashion, and I cannot help being ashamed.

We sat down behind a palm tree in the lobby.  This place was very hidden out of sight, where you can glimpse the entire lobby without being seen easily from the outside.

After a few glasses of wine, I gradually relaxed himself.  Xu Yong holding his glass and smiling, asked: “Do you know why I just invited you to dance?”

I was puzzled.

“Because your gesture of sitting there alone impressed me”.  I was even more puzzled as I was not outstanding in my company which was full of beauties.
“I’m quite envious of your husband. If I have such a beautiful wife, I will not let her hands become rough in such youthful years”

The meaning of Xu Yong’s words made me confused. Such an attractive man spoke of such suggestive words to you; I suddenly became a little afraid.  I didn’t know what I was afraid of at that moment.

I almost struggled to say : “No, President Xu.  My husband is a very competent man.”

Xu Yong laughed: “You are deluding yourself! A happy woman would not have those helpless and dazed eyes!  It makes your beautiful eyes lose their spirit!”

At that time, those words hit my heart and I cried like a child.  This man uncovered my over six months of confusion easily.

Xu Yong’s touched my hair in the piano music and said gently beside my ear: “Ran, let me bring the glory back into your life, will you?”

As if there was a vortex which sucked me up, I subconsciously nodded.

That night, I did not go home.

A man, ignited my passion, brought me into – Paradise Lost.

The blog is mainly telling about my experience on the internet, so basically all stories here are told in the form of memoirs.  I hesitated for quite a while to decide if it is about the old days or just the online experiences.  After balancing, there are more online experiences, so I make the name of this section Windlike Online Days!  Perhaps, I will write a novel about Journey to the West in this section in the future, while the outline has not been yet straightened out .. etc. ..